God damn crappy roads
No - I don't mean roads of raw sewage that are subject to eternal damnation... although its close. I'm talking about UK roads. A policeman following me into work today (and indeed any day in any direction) could be forgiven for thinking that I was a drink driver. In reality, however, this is far from the truth - I never drive even when I've had a drink and know that I'm under the limit! So why would I be perceived as being drunk?
God damn crappy roads. That's why! The state of UK roads (at least in my area) is pitiful - and in fact full of pitfalls, potholes, sunken drains and poorly laid joins on newly laid tarmac. My car doesn't respond well to these tarmac monsters - its a sports car with very stiff suspension and very low profile tires. Now let me clear something up - I'm not a chav or a boy racer and so my car isn't purposely altered to be this way... its just the way it is - just like a 4x4 8 seater 5 litre Off road utility vehicle being used in London is what it is (useless and overkill).
Anyway - there's no way to avoid these dreadful roads and so I end up having to snake my way through them driving my car very much as if I'm competing in some sort of slalom competition. Hence why I end up looking like a drunk. I'm just waiting for the day that some upstanding copper comes along and pulls me over and reads me my rights. Unfortunately I'm unable and unwilling to change my driving habits - I've already had to replace one wheel due to damage to the rim from potholes, and I've lost count of the number of tires I've had to replace because of pinching as they ride down into a sunk drain.
I think there can only be two solutions:
God damn crappy roads. That's why! The state of UK roads (at least in my area) is pitiful - and in fact full of pitfalls, potholes, sunken drains and poorly laid joins on newly laid tarmac. My car doesn't respond well to these tarmac monsters - its a sports car with very stiff suspension and very low profile tires. Now let me clear something up - I'm not a chav or a boy racer and so my car isn't purposely altered to be this way... its just the way it is - just like a 4x4 8 seater 5 litre Off road utility vehicle being used in London is what it is (useless and overkill).
Anyway - there's no way to avoid these dreadful roads and so I end up having to snake my way through them driving my car very much as if I'm competing in some sort of slalom competition. Hence why I end up looking like a drunk. I'm just waiting for the day that some upstanding copper comes along and pulls me over and reads me my rights. Unfortunately I'm unable and unwilling to change my driving habits - I've already had to replace one wheel due to damage to the rim from potholes, and I've lost count of the number of tires I've had to replace because of pinching as they ride down into a sunk drain.
I think there can only be two solutions:
- Lend my car to the Minister for Transport for a year and laugh wickedly when he suffers from back pains after a week and goes into debt from buying new wheels/tires/suspension parts.
- Fit satellite positioning equipment in my car and record my movements every day for a year. Then send my results to the appropriate Government authority. They can then extrapolate the positions of road defects by looking at my zig zagging trajectories.
posted by ugli-stix at 1.6.06
2 Comments:
Did you do that indentation of the date and comments yourself?
And I can confirm that you are a boy racer, and that you struggle to clear speed bumps even when taking them diagonally.
No - there's actually a hidden message just in front of the date.
Post a Comment
<< Home